What Do You Want Me To Do For You?

Lately I have been learning how to pray differently. There are so many ways to pray. I usually have a running dialog with Jesus. Meaning my prayer tend to be very conversational. And I have heard without doubt, Jesus telling me things. (That probably sounds weird, but it is true.) However, I have often felt that perhaps my casual conversational prayers are not enough, so I have endeavored to learn more. I know many formal prayers, though I do not know them all. Formal prayers feel too, well...formal. They're not my words and so to me they lack feeling. But my way may be (from my protestant upbringing) way too casual. At any rate, I began a new challenge on Hallow to learn to pray like St. Ignatius. One the second day we were learning about contemplative vs meditative prayers. Then we began a contemplative prayer, reading from the gospel of Mark 10:46-52

46 They came to Jericho. As he and his disciples and a large crowd were leaving Jericho, Bartimaeus son of Timaeus, a blind beggar, was sitting by the roadside. 47 When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout out and say, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" 48 Many sternly ordered him to be quiet, but he cried out even more loudly, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" 49 Jesus stood still and said, "Call him here." And they called the blind man, saying to him, "Take heart; get up, he is calling you." 50 So throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. 51 Then Jesus said to him, "What do you want me to do for you?" The blind man said to him, "My teacher, let me see again." 52 Jesus said to him, "Go; your faith has made you well." Immediately he regained his sight and followed him on the way.

The instructions for contemplative prayer through bible passages are to first imagine the scene completely, then imagine yourself in the place of someone the story is about, in this case, the blind man. So that the story becomes about you. You have called to Jesus for mercy and He heard you and bid you to come to Him. When you are standing before Jesus and he asks you, "What do you want me to do for you?" what will you say to Him? What do you want? What mercy do you need?

I can tell you I have read and listened to this passage countless times in my life, but I have never made it personal. I have thought it a beautiful example of faith and boldness, but I have never considered what I would ask for if it were me there. This simple prayer stunned me to the core. I sat then in silence, examining myself and thinking what do I NEED MOST? I was fully crying by this point, feeling completely vulnerable and not worthy or deserving enough to ask for anything. Then I slipped into my usual conversational method, not purposefully, but indeed because He had something to say to me. He said to me quite clearly, "You can never be worthy or deserving because mercy and healing are not earned, they are freely given, if you but ask. So, what do you want?"

This prayer marked another turning point in my faith. In the days that follow I will share all that He reveals.

Joyful Blessings,

Tami