Reconciliation

Part of my bible study today was on Matthew 5:20-26, but I paused at these two verses exactly.

23 "So, if you are coming to the alter with your gift, and there you remember that your brother has a grievance against you, 24 leave your gift right there in front of the altar, and go first and be reconciled to your brother."

During the reflection, I imagined driving to church, and on the way I had to review my relationships and turn around and go to whomever I had a grievance with. I seriously considered this but could not think of a single person that I had a grievance against. People have angered/annoyed me but it is also quickly put aside. I don't really hold onto things like that, and I genuinely like most everyone I meet. But wait it didn't mean only that did it? It said those that have a grievance against ME. That is a whole different thing.

I thought about that, but quickly realized this could be one of the things in my blind spot. Ok, not could be, but is in my blind spot. I know I am not perfect. I know my quick flashes of anger (which to me are fleeting and no big deal) or my unguarded tongue, can be really hurtful to others. I know my husband gets the brunt of that, followed by my children, then others in a sliding scale (like the person who cuts me off on the road, doesn't really have any affect at all), but why is that? Because the closer you are, the more you mean to me, the higher my expectations of our relationship are, so the greater the disappointment. So, now I have to think of who might be grieved against me, and if it is you please tell me so we can be reconciled. I really mean that call me on the phone or send me a private chat.

What happened next though was really jarring. Because I heard Jesus say (as clear as if He were sitting in front of me) "What about me?" He said, "Do you know, every time you get unjustly angry, it grieves me? That every time you speak a disparaging word about anyone, it grieves me? That every time you do something for others without joy in your heart, it grieves me? There's more, shall I go on?"

Umm, no? I didn't think about it that way. He said, "I know." Then he popped the word reconciliation in my head (that is the only way I know how to explain it) wanting me to think.

As a Catholic, we are supposed to go to confession (reconciliation) at minimum, once a year, that fulfills the obligation. Kind of like Yom Kippur the day of atonement. In the Jewish calendar this is the holiest day of the year because it is the day you acknowledge your sins, and prayerfully atone for them to reconcile yourself back to him. So, I imagine, that is why we have an - at least once a year - obligation. But, we are encouraged to go regularly, I know people who go monthly, even weekly. I meet the yearly obligation, but barely. Why? I don't like it, I don't think I do it right and I am never certain I have thought of everything. However, truth be told, I feel so much better when I do go. I still don't like it, and I am usually aware and SORRY in the moment, when I do wrong, so that is good enough right? I have often thought so, hoped so, as a former protestant, raised so, and thus made it so. But here is what I see today.

I quickly examined my relationships and can confidently say I do not have any grievances against anyone. I could not though say with any confidence that no one has a grievance against me, I hope they don't, but I DO NOT and cannot know unless they tell me. If someone speaks up, I will listen and then do what is necessary to be reconciled. (I don't like the idea of anyone being upset with me.)

Hold up right there. Jesus all but sat in front of me and told me about how I have grieved Him. So, I need to listen, and then DO. Ah man! But he was not quite finished, I guess, because He said, "One final point, you said this,

I know my husband gets the brunt of that followed by my children, then others in a sliding scale...Because the closer you are, the more you mean to me, the higher my expectations of our relationship are, so the greater the disappointment.

If that is true for you, how much truer is that for Me?"

Wow, talk about being hit right between the eyes! That is it, that is what he wanted me to hear and understand today. Now, I know what I have to do.

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Italian Beef and Macaroni

1.5 Lbs. Ground Beef (not pictured)

1/2 onion chopped

2 cloves garlic minced

8 cups beef broth

6 cups canned whole tomatoes (i used whole grape tomatoes and I buy a giant can and use it in 2-3 soups)

Salt, pepper and Italian Herbs

Garnish

Fresh basil chopped

Parmesan Cheese

Rustic Bread torn and toasted.

Cook the ground beef in the stock pot until no longer pink, using a spatula to break into small bits, then drain the beef. Add onion to the pot and cook 5 minutes, add garlic and other spices and cook for 1-2 minutes, add broth then begin to add tomatoes in batches squeezing the tomatoes with your hands so they break into small bits, then add the beef back in and stir. Cook on medium low for 30 minutes, adding the uncooked pasta about half way through your cooking time. When pasta reaches desired doneness your soup is ready. Ladle into bowls, grate cheese right into bowl, add chopped basil and hunk of toasted bread.

Serves 10