Sacrifice: Phase 1

Lent is a time of sacrifice, a time to contemplate what Jesus did and what he calls us to. As strange as this may sound, I LOVE Lent! It helps me to set aside time to reflect on my life and think about what I am doing to live up to the purpose God has for me. In our family we have always participated in Lenten sacrifices both individually and as a family. In the weeks leading up to Lent, I work to change what foods are in the pantry. I make some of our favorite meals before Lent begins and I restock our cupboards with the items needed for our Lenten suppers. Then on Fat Tuesday we have a big party and indulge in lots of food shared with lots of friends. As a family for many years, we all abstain from desserts and sweets, and we have soup for dinner every night. I love the sacrifice of making only soup for dinner and I try to have a new soup every day, no repeats. Sometimes due to other obligations we must eat dinner out, but we look for restaurants that serve soup, and there are a couple feast days thrown in as well. So, while I don't actually cook 40 different soups myself, we are good about sticking to this family sacrifice.

One year, we were on a KETO diet, and I said it would be difficult to stick to KETO soups, so we decided that a KETO diet was sacrifice enough and we'd not do the 'soup thing' that year. Everyone in the family hated it and said it didn't feel like Lent without our soup sacrifice. So, since that one trail year we all agree this is our family united sacrifice.

This year Lent began on February 14th, Valentines Day (we celebrated it on Fat Tuesday instead) and we each had our personal sacrifices in addition to our family traditional ones. I chose to fast throughout Lent, which meant I only had liquids all day long and ate soup for dinner. It was a harder sacrifice than I had previously ever made but I was doing great and glad to be reflecting and in communion with God in this way. Then on February 29th, just two weeks into Lent I found myself laid off from my job of 24 years and it felt like my purpose was gone. For 37 years (barring vacations etc.) I got up every weekday morning and went to work. Sometimes that meant sitting in my home office, other times it meant driving to my workplace office, and there were even times when it meant getting on a plane and traveling to a different work location. Ordinarily, I started between 7-8:00am and ended 5:00ish. I did this for the same company for the last 23 years, 4 months and 25 days, but who's counting? So now what?

Because we had two family crises at the same time, my unemployment (being second in terms of importance) really just sat in the background.  It's there but what do we do about it. This problem does not have a simple solution. Though many people around me worried for me and wanted to know what I was doing about it. Lots of advice came too. But here is my thought, this is Lent and God has called me to a bigger sacrifice than I had planned or anticipated, so there must be a reason. So, I decided to lean into prayer and a couple things came to my attention.

1. I had noticed in advertisements on my computer all through the early days of Lent that a book He Leadeth Me by Walter Ciszek, S.J., was the #1 best seller around the world. 

2. My daughter told me about a daily meditation she was doing in the Hallow app and it was using this book. She said that is probably why it was #1.  I thought, “Really?” A prayer app could make a book go to #1? I looked up the book online and it was written in the 70's and it was #1 today?! Interesting…

3. I downloaded the app and listened to the first session. However, were nearly 3 weeks of daily sessions I had missed. I listened to the first one anyway.

4. In setting up my new office I created a library of sorts. I have several bookshelves and all of them are filled with books and ordered by type or genre. There were a couple of books not yet put on the shelf sitting on my desk, I don't know why or where they came from, but I picked them up to shelve them one was cloth bound so no title on the cover and the title on the spine was very faded. We have a lot of old books, we are a family of bibliophiles, and my eldest daughter especially loves old books, she has quite a collection. I assumed it was hers and that is probably why it wasn't put away. When I opened the book to see what it was, I was astonished! It was He Leadeth Me in its original printing from the 70's! This is how God speaks to me. He lays all the breadcrumbs and expects me to follow. 

So now I have a new Lenten sacrifice, these daily meditations but I had to get caught up so I started listening to 3-4 sessions at a time. I was reading the book every night and opening myself to what God wanted me to hear. After about a week I guess my 'trial period' for the Hallow app had ended. Some of the content is free to anyone but these meditation journeys require a subscription. I didn't hesitate I HAD to hear the rest of the message!

I am by trade in the field of Learning and Development and have made a study of adult learning theory. Learning happens in layers for all of us, adults and children alike. However, adults have to be engaged in and be able to apply information in a more practical way. This term is often used 'What's In It For Me?' (WIIFM) not strictly a shellfish thought but more brain space consideration. If I can apply knowledge usefully to myself or my life in a practical way, I will be more inclined to remember it and take action from or use it. If I can't, then it becomes a nice to know and quickly forgotten.

For every meditation and every chapter my brain worked to apply the information to my present circumstance. It took me to a place of surrender, a notion that never occurred to me before but was becoming obviously overdue.